Supporting A Cause Is So Hipster

Since 2005/2006, I've had a growing fascination with world politics and, in particular, social justice on a global scale. It started with relief work in Biloxi, Mississippi after Hurricane Katrina. I saw people living in homes without walls, as their FEMA trailers had not yet arrived (and still wouldn't for several more months), mothers searching the rubble for any toys they could find to make their children happy, and overall - a town that was forgotten by our government at large. The help received was from churches and private aid groups. This got me interested and from there the snowball expanded and took on so much more.

Next was Invisible Children and through them, was connected to even more groups (Charity:Water, Liberty In North Korea, Falling Whistles, etc) and then I joined YWAM and worked for The Redemption Project, helped with the Hakani Project and supported the efforts of my friends with PhotoGenX fighting sex trafficking (check out their book, Sex + Money). After this, I took a break, did a video for YWAM and then joined These Numbers Have Faces to work as their Video & Media Intern for the summer.

So when it comes to causes being the new trend, I pretty much fit the bill. I better than fit the bill, I feel like, as I re-read this, I wrote the bill. I write all this though, due to the growing talk about how trendy causes, awareness, and advocacy have become and our growing distaste for them. I wonder though if we should have a more optimistic outlook on the growing trend of social awareness.

At this time, I cannot think of a better trend to have. Social Awareness and advocacy becoming something popular? Think of the things we could accomplish! There is always a downside though, which is a side I've seen a lot of people discussing lately. With the growing trend in social justice campaigns, and rise of the name brand non-profit with cool t-shirts to match (I'm not dissin' it, I own a lot of them and have designed a few of them) it seems that many are jumping on the bandwagon because the shirt is cool and a sense of do-goodness is placed within. The purchase of this t-shirt is helping the people of this country. When it comes to knowing the situation though, they don't know that the Sudan and Uganda are different geographically and have a surprising lack of knowledge for what is happening around the globe. The t-shirt caught their eye or a cute guy or girl talked to them for a bit and convinced them to sign-up for a newsletter.

I've seen this and spoken to people who are exactly as I've stated above (I thought of them when I wrote what I did). Because of this happening, I can see why some are getting aggravated with the trend. These people not having a knowledge of the situations they supposedly support can be very irritating and can even make those interested in knowing more possibly lose their interest. The other side of this are those who have the knowledge but no action. I think this one is more prominent than the other. Seeing so many of your friends out there, on the ground, working to end sex slavery or free child soldiers and then seeing someone pat themselves on the back because they bought a bracelet and have their feel good moment. They might even mention something in a blog about the cause but it doesn't go much further than this.

I am basing what I'm writing on what I've heard others say, so if I'm missing something, feel free to add to the conversation. I in no way think I'm an absolute authority on this, but simply someone who thinks out loud and enjoys discussion more than blatant statements telling you how it is.

So while I can see where people are coming from and even agree with them to an extent, I know that without awareness, I would have never of gotten as involved as I have with groups. Having worked as staff for 2 non-profits, traveled to other countries and volunteered for numerous other groups, I think I have the action to back my support of these groups and causes. When I hear people talk about the negatives related to social awareness as a trend, I wonder if we would have as many people seeking to bring action alongside their support without it. In other words...

If social justice and advocacy had not become trendy, would we have as many people working in the field as we do?

I would probably say that, no, we wouldn't. I've seen younger people who started out in the negatives I've mentioned, get older and wiser and see that action needs to happen. I think, without the bit of knowledge they had and the cool t-shirt that may or may not have persuaded them (with some...i think it did...but that's okay) then they wouldn't be looking into college degrees dealing with social or justice type work in some form. I think that, while some people find the gratification from saying they support this cause and have the t-shirt - but it goes no further, that most find themselves looking into more. Maybe I think to optimistically but awareness is awareness, and without it, we would be in dark with a lot of these issues.

I also think that we place ourselves on pedestals sometimes. I've heard some friends complain about those who give monetarily but have no action to back it. Their satisfaction comes from their giving but they don't get their hands dirty. I feel like this is a very selfish way to look at it though. If it weren't for those willing to give what they are able and blessed to give, These Numbers Have Faces wouldn't exist and the South Africans we help would have no help. If it were not for these generous people, so much of the work that a lot of us are capable of doing would no longer be done. We live in a world that requires money to function. It's just one of those things we need. We don't have to like it, but we have to realize that it's how the world works. Everything can't be done without money and to say that their giving is not enough is a bold statement and upsets me. I feel like one cannot work without the other and both have so much to give.

Let us not forget that we work in the fields we do because we are able to, but many of us are only able to do so with the support of those who can give towards our work and missions.

I feel like I'm not getting across exactly what I'm trying to say. I think it's cause I'm typing and am also distracted so it's coming out in bursts at a time. Basically, I think my point is that we should embrace this growing trend. A few people thought it was going to die within a few years but now we're moving towards a growing surge towards women's empowerment across the globe (which TNHF is proudly near the forefront of...or they are in my mind cause I work for them, haha) and I think we need to grab the opportunity and steer it instead of see the flaws and grow disheartened. Acknoweledging the flaws is a good thing but I think action should be taken towards redirecting what we see as flaws. Instead of starting the discussion about the negatives we're relating to, let's open the discussion towards taking advantage of the growing fire within the youth towards advocacy. I think if a lot of them were simply given a direction to go in, they would go and we'd find ourselves entrenched in a whole new abolitionist movement, a whole new activism and a whole new community of people fighting for the rights of those around the world.

I'm not calling (or trying not to call) anyone out in this. I simply wanted to express that I think this is a good discussion that should be looked at from various angles, especially one of embracing this trend and finding a way to direct it towards good. I think it's a great discussion to have and I hope you'll join me in it.

To go the awareness route, here's links to my work and some groups I've mentioned:

• These Numbers Have Faces - This is who I currently work for
• Invisible Children
• Liberty In North Korea (LiNK)
• charity:water
• Global Zero Campaign
• Photo GenX - Sex+Money Campaign

Portland Now (Redux)

Oh, sweet sugar - I made it to Portland safely! It was a pretty intense trip though. I left Pittsburgh on Tuesday and drove out to Bloomington, Illinois where I stayed with my friend, Rebekah and her family. I arrived as Chicken Fajitas were getting ready to be eaten. I was pretty happy to get there in time for that. Those Fajitas were good. It was really great to see my friend, Rebekah and her family again as well. Girls are pretty funny though sometimes...like when a bug scampers across the floor and they jump up on the couch screaming and pointing. Good times.

I woke up fairly early and began my journey to Colorado. What a boring day that turned out to be. It rained pretty much the entire trip. Iowa was very uneventful. Nebraska proved to be the same until about halfway through, then it cleared up and I started seeing countryside that was new to me and not so boring. I crossed into Colorado before the sun went down and saw some interesting rolling hills there as well but by the time I got to where a lot of the scenery I'd like to see would be, it was dark and a snow storm decided to attack me.

Colorado was really very pretty. My friend, Greg, took me to see a lot. Up into the mountains we drove, hanging out in Denver before hand and checking out various other places on the way, such as Garden of the Gods. It was really great. I hope to have pictures up soon.

After a few days, I left for Salt Lake City. I hit another snow storm on the way out of Colorado but once I got around 40 miles away from the border, it cleared up and the scenery was intense. It was like God painted it himself. The colors were so vibrant and rich. Greens and reds and browns and blues, it was pretty awesome. Utah only added to that with it's vast desert landscape. It wasn't boring though, not with the different cliffs and canyons hanging around and the dulling colors that had long since faded in the sun. It was the perfect buildup to driving into Salt Lake. I drove down into a canyon and essentially turned a corner to see what I would describe as The Shire in real life. Huge, gorgeous green hills. Green mountains. Shortly after this, I turn another bend, and snow capped mountains are greeting me, beckoning me to come drive through them. It was a great entrance into the state and I definitely have to say, Utah might be the prettiest state I've seen yet.

I stayed in Salt Lake for the night with some friends, after hanging out with them. I woke in the morning for my last drive of the trip. Finally. I was exhausted, physically and mentally. I was ready to rest. Problem was, which I didn't know at the time, is Idaho would be an even bigger mental strain than the trip had been yet. Why is Idaho such a mental strain? Because it's so utterly dull and boring. Driving through it for hours on end is not the way to finish off a trip, especially not when you're spent after days of traveling alone already. At least previous states gave me something to look at and say "wow" to. Not Idaho. My only wow came in the form of boredom and annoyance. I'm sorry if you're from Idaho...but I do not like the state. It wins worst state to drive through. Seriously.

Oregon was interesting at first though. I thought it was nice when I first drove into the state. After an hour or so, it changed scenery and I was impressed a bit again. Then another hour and a new change. By the time I got to within 100 miles of Portland, I started saying wow again. The canyons and giant green cliffs; rocks penetrating out the ground. The highway winding along with the river, following it's stream all the way. Around 30-40 miles outside of Portland, the scenery took a turn for the magical. Just this area alone could give what I saw in Utah a run for best scenery. Waterfalls, a forest of pine trees far as the eye could see, the road winding along the river. I thought I was driving towards Neverland or something. It was really something to see.

I finally arrived in Portland on Sunday. Met my new roommates and began to get settled in. Now, I'm at my desk in the These Numbers Have Faces office, writing this to you before I head out for the day to enjoy my birthday. Not sure what all I'll do, but it'll be a good day nonetheless. Things are good. I enjoy it so far and think I will enjoy it for a long time.

*Note about These Numbers Have Faces*
We just introduced our newest campaign today, the Women's Empowerment Fund. Please go check it out, it's going to be an amazing program helping the women of South Africa. Also, if you like soccer, check out our World Cup Benefit Bracket. $10, you pick the teams and if you win, you get prizes. The money goes towards Soccer and Education programs in South Africa. So head on over to www.thesenumbers.org and check that out! Thanks!

Bust - Portland Postponed

I have been pretty excited to get out to Portland. With May 10th right around the corner, I was ready to start packing already. For those who personally know me, you know well that I hated my current job for one reason or another. Not to get into details, but let's just say it really brought me down and discouraged me. It had nothing to do with my boss, who is a great boss by the way, but the environment and the seclusion that the job presented was just something I didn't need. All this to say, I figured that April 30th (my last day of work there) would be one of the best days I've had in a long time.

Lucky for me though, my life just isn't that simple. My life needs to be more boring and uneventful. Sometimes those events suck, such as what happened after I quit. I had just gotten my car back and was on my way home before leaving to go to the Verizon store so they could fix my phone, then to my Uncles. On the way to the store, my emergency brake light turned on, as did my battery light. Then...random lights began to fill my dashboard, yet I was driving fine. If you don't drive much, this isn't normal and is cause for alarm. I took it to Advanced Auto parts only to be told my car is too old to be hooked up to their computer and checked. So I drove to the nearest Auto Zone and they checked. I got two answers when they hooked up my car which were, it's either my battery but more than likely it's my alternator. I was also told that I was ripped off financially by the guy who worked on my car and that it could have been something he did that caused this. On the way home, my car slowly went on what seems like a Car Acid Trip and wasn't shifting into gear, was revving up all by itself, and was just being crazy. When I parked it, after backing up my driveway cause it was the only way I was able to make it up (for some reason) and revved up to 3 rpm's before I shut it off.

I wasn't happy. Actually, I was angry beyond words. Even the Pens game wasn't making cheering me up. I just laid in my room, not eating, watching the game hoping to feel something that wasn't sadness, betrayal, and anger. Oh, betrayal is in there because my grandfather used to be the boss of the mechanic shop. So, they know me and my family. Wonderful, right? So I just got a car back that only needed back brakes, a rotor and a new belt. Those are wonderful but everything around them is failing. Everything that worked perfectly before I took it in.

This morning, I woke up and left for the shop hoping to speak to the manager, Tim. I've dealt with him a number of times. He's a really cool guy, even sold me my second car. Unfortunately, he wasn't there. The mechanic who worked on my car was though. So we talked it out and they sent a flatbed to pick it up, after which my dad looked at my bill. He noticed something they fixed (which they didn't ask if they could) and said one small mistake doing that could have fried my cars computer and ruined my alternator, which explains everything that has gone wrong.

And so I am a bit hopeful again. I've decided, car or not, I'm definitely still going out to Portland. I have an opportunity to work for an organization that is doing some great work helping those in South Africa, believing in their friends down there and investing in the future of that country. I'm hoping that, if a mistake was made, they will own up to it and fix my car. Who knows, this could end up being the best thing that could of happened. Maybe this mistake, should they fix it, will actually fix my car up even more. Maybe this won't happen and I'll be car-less in Portland. The house I'm staying at isn't that far from where I work, so I can manage.

Why I share all this, I'm not so sure. Maybe something to write about. Maybe a way for those of you who are keeping up with me to keep up with what is going on. Who knows? But I plan to keep going on with the things I want to do, I plan to be in Portland in a few weeks, helping These Numbers Have Faces serve their friends in South Africa. A small bump in the road isn't going to stop me.

On The Move Again (And Could Use Your Help) / Summary of "Portland or Bust"

While some of you will possibly read all of "Portland or Bust," I know there are others who don't have the time or don't want to read that much. So I'll get to the point in this one, I got asked to join the organization, These Numbers Have Faces. These Numbers Have Faces focuses on work in South Africa, please check out their website and see some of the amazing work they're doing.

While I'm excited about heading out to Portland to work with them, I have to ask for help from my friends and family. The position, like many with non-profits and like my time with YWAM, is unpaid. I like trying to be self-sustaining and don't find it easy to ask for help, but in this situation, I need to let go of my pride and simply come to any of you who read this and ask for some help during my time out there. My initial stay will be 5 months (May - September) but could increase. I hope to find some work that pays so I can pay for my own expenses, but will need some help until then. If you would be willing to donate to my work with These Numbers Have Faces, please email me at mattgromley@hotmail.com. I can give you information about making tax-deductible donations.

I will also be looking for prayer. It always helps to know people are supporting you and thinking about you. It's very encouraging and means a lot to me, to know people are willing to take time out of their day to ask God to guide me in my work.

The best ways to keep in touch with me will be through Facebook, email and this blog. I hope to update it more often. If you have any questions, please feel free to email me. Thank you all.

Portland or Bust (Part 1)

I should increase my blogging. I used to have a lot of fun with it, but it seems like interesting things don't happen much when I'm home. I find myself dulled out by the increasingly boring nature of New Kensington (30 minutes outside of Pittsburgh) and the frustration of a job that wrecks me daily and tears at me as I wonder if I'll actually get to do what I went to school for, or if I'm doomed to be another nameless face who gets lost in the monotony of the hated job.

It sucks that this is the reality for so many. I don't think people should hate their jobs but if times are hard and new jobs are scarce in your town, you will probably take what you can get, especially if it pays well. This has been my reality since August. It was so much the job itself that I disliked, but there were so many underlying factors that it'd be pointless to get into them all right now. The environment that I was in was surprisingly difficult to handle and brought out some bitterness, the lack of human interaction took it's toll and my time spent secluded to oneself starts to get to you. It started to get to me. I was looking for a way out.

I have heard it said that I am someone who gets an idea in their head, decides they want to try to go through with that idea, and then actually goes about trying to make that happen, regardless of some of the consequences that could potentially follow. I'd never actually looked at my decisions that way before, my decisions with my life that is, what I wanted to do and so on. I guess it's true though. I jumped into YWAM because I had the idea in my head that I wanted to do it, so I made it happen (with the help of so many wonderful, amazing people who stood behind me and supported my vision). Even before YWAM, there was music. I wanted to be in a band, so I was in a band. I wanted to tour, so we toured. I didn't look at whatever else was happening around me, I looked at the music and how much I enjoyed it. I looked at how I could further engulf myself into music, and I made it happen.

Maybe this is why the past few months have been hard. I finally was seeing things NOT happen that I was really trying to be apart of. In no offense to anyone, not even the city of Pittsburgh, I didn't come home expecting to be here a year. When I got home from YWAM in June, I expected to have left again by September.

Circumstances changed and doors were closed and so then I thought it'd actually be nice to be home for the holidays, so I was planning to leave after Christmas. I threw all of my marbles into this one idea and really thought I was going to be leaving on New Years for a new adventure, something to awaken my ever fading soul. I felt like my world had shattered when that too had fallen through and that door was closed. At that point, I thought I might be settling back into Pittsburgh life. It didn't feel right, settling into life because of failed circumstances. Something seemed...off. I was still restless, still seeking adventure or something new. I felt I was still young enough to keep going after my dreams and making them realities. There was so much of the world that I wanted to explore, so much of just America that I wanted to experience. Everything inside of me was screaming at me, yelling,

"this isn't right! There's something more for you! Don't give in because things haven't been working out the way you thought they would, there's more happening!"

Those voices grew quieter and quieter as January passed into February.

During my time with YWAM/The Redemption Project, I got in touch with this young non-profit from Portland called These Numbers Have Faces. They were relatively new, as far as I could tell, and seemed like maybe they needed some help. I was really intrigued by their work in South Africa and wanted to see if they needed any work done that I could help with. I got in touch with their founder, Justin, and we spoke on the phone for a while about various different things, including on-topic discussions about how my resources could be used for their benefit but nothing much came from it. I stayed in contact with them while in YWAM and followed their work.

Upon arriving home in last summer, I was back in touch with them, hearing they needed some work done editing some footage together for a promo piece. They sent me some footage and direction for the editing and I put it together for them. We stayed in much closer contact this time around, adding the working relationship into the mix, even though it was long distance. Around winter, I was told that These Numbers Have Faces was going to be looking into getting some interns, and they were going to be looking for a video intern. I asked to be kept in the loop. I had kind of forgotten about it till I got a text in either late February or early-March from Justin saying I should consider their internship program they were starting in May. So I applied, and just a few weeks ago was told that I had been accepted and was asked to move to Portland.

All this to say, I'm headed out for a new adventure. I will be working as a video intern for These Numbers Have Faces for the next 5 months, and that number 5 isn't a steady number. It can grow. I am excited to offer my skills and education to TNHF and for the adventure of going to Portland (and eventually South Africa, I hope!). I will be driving to Portland from Pittsburgh, so I even get to see more of America, as I had hoped I would. If you would like to be a part of this new experience with me, there are a few ways you can do this.

1. I like being self-sufficient and it's hard for me to ask for help, even from my friends. However, in order for me to sustain myself in Portland, I need to ask for help with finances. $10-$20/month from 35 people would sustain me. My total fees will run around $2500 for the full 5 months. I will be looking for paying work as well while I'm out there, hopefully on video/film shoots. If you are willing to donate though, you can donate directly to me, or you can donate through the organization and receive a tax-deduction for your donation. I'll explain more at the end.

2. Prayer. Just as important as finances is prayer. To know that I have people who care enough to take time out of their day to ask for God's strength, guidance and wisdom for myself is really an incredible feeling. Regardless of what faith you have, any prayer is appreciated.

3. Email & this blog. You can join my email list (mattgromley@hotmail.com...just email me and say you want to be added) and you can check out this blog from time to time, which I hope to update much more frequently than I have been the past few months. If you have questions, please feel free to get in touch with me.

I hope you will consider being a part of this next chapter in my life in one or more of the ways I mentioned above. Those of you who have supported me in one of these ways in the past, I can't thank you enough for what you have done. It truly means so much to me to have people who believe in the work that I'm doing.

If you would like to make a donation, please email me at mattgromley@hotmail.com and I will send you back information on how to go about doing so.

Also - Please check out www.thesenumbers.org and see the amazing work These Numbers Have Faces is doing in South Africa. I am very excited to be working with them. Thanks everyone!

Suffocation Through Blogosphere (The Death Of Facts)

I am so worked up at the moment that I knew I had to post on here. It's been some time, so it was due anyways. I was taking a break from some work and just seeing what some of the latest news was on some sites that I frequent. One of the sites, a rather large non-profit which keeps a pretty good daily blog, Invisible Children, had a recent article about a guy who thinks Invisible Children is a money-making, war-mongering, government conspiracy trying to get the US Government more oil and uranium from Sudan and Uganda. His blog is below:

Invisible Children, Save Darfur, Genocide Intervention Network, “Cool” War Propaganda for the Kids?

There are those of us who believe that when two sides have a conflict that involves military force, adding a third party to the conflict, with superior military force and inferior cultural understanding does not result in a peaceable solution. In fact, recent adventures in Iraq, Kosovo, Somalia, and other places have proven that the end result is more violence, more death, and more chaos. This philosophy is called non-interventionism.

That is why it is particularly alarming that some organizations are able to promote war policy not unlike that which was used to create the unpopular quagmire in Iraq to people who did not support that particular occupation. Are business interests eyeing an oil pipeline in Afghanistan or the oil and uranium found in Uganda(http://www.spacedaily.com/reports/Natural_Gas_And_Uranium_Discovered_In_Uganda_999.html), or (http://74.125.47.132/search?q=cache:QKAWzVv0hP0J:www.globalpolicy.org/empire/humanint/2007/0207darfuroil.pdf+uranium+darfur&cd=5&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us)Darfur?

I showed in my previous article “Democrats Need Blood Too” how Ruder Finn Global Public Affairs was hired to make the civil war in Bosnia appear to be a genocide to get American public support. We have no way to confirm or deny genocides from afar, and sending troops over to intervene with frighteningly powerful weapons and no real understanding of the local perspective has proven to do nothing but leave heaps of bodies and lower our standing in the world. Many will use the Hitler and World War II argument to counter this position, but we were attacked first in that particular situation and had the proper moral authority to go in, validating once again the wisdom of the non-interventionists just war defensive foreign policy view. The “preemptive war” policy trumpeted by the special interests, trotsky-ites, and transnationalist globalists has been tried ad nauseum since that time, with ill-effect and a mess of innocent casualties.

So what of these financially powerful, hip, celebrity-approved organizations like Save Darfur, Invisible Children, and Genocide Intervention Network. Do they seek to truly help the people of those nations through private donation alone, or is there sinister lobbying for military intervention(aka WAR) involved? Let’s investigate.

Taken from Genocide Intervention Network’s “About Us” page on their website, “GI-NET's founders believed that private contributions in support of peacekeepers in Darfur, Sudan, the site of the twenty-first century's first genocide, could protect civilians and inspire policymakers to take action.” Peacekeepers are of course armed military from other nations, particularly those under the banner of the unelected, disorganized United Nations.

Taken from the Save Darfur website, “The national effort delivered one million hand-written and electronic postcards to President Bush, demanding that he support a stronger multinational peacekeeping force to protect the people of Darfur.” Like the one he is using in Iraq? That same coalition of the willing? Would this war torn nation benefit from that kind of “nation building” help? This is war propaganda, indubitably.

Taken from the website of Invisible Children, Kingston, “Their spirit gave rise to a flourishing non-profit organization that works tirelessly to improve the lives of the Northern Ugandan community through education and economic initiatives and rallies for government intervention.”

I would compel those in charge of these organizations to publicly denounce their support of U.S. Military intervention in Uganda and the Sudan. Obviously organizations who are going to fund schools and give money to private citizens to keep defense or to stay fed are great ways to spend your charity money, however, it is important to do the due diligence to make sure that your money is not being used as a lobbying effort to get us into the next Iraq War.

So far as I can tell through research, it appears that these organizations are so well-funded for the obvious reason... someone behind the scenes is going to make a profit on those oil and uranium fields, and these poor citizens, already in war-torn conditions, are going to be in for some real trouble if the American people authorize more “peacekeeping.” Our “foreign aid” would doubtlessly go to the very government who is supposedly doing the persecuting, and if sanctions were applied to punish the human rights abusing government, the economic consequences on the very people we are trying to help would be devastating, much like they were in Iraq.

Let us follow the wisdom of the founders and make available free trade and private charity for these nations and their poor, the only way we can help from afar. Putting them under a confusing and complex military occupation like the one in Iraq? Let’s learn our lesson.

-Barry Donegan

Right away, I felt my heart sink. I couldn't even get through 2 paragraphs before I see his ideas are not based in fact, but slander and conspiracy theories. First, he mentions Bosnia. He mentions that a company was hired to make Bosnia seem like a genocide. Now...I lived in Bosnia last year. It was a wonderful place. I made a lot of friends and had a really great time. I still think of Bosnia and hope to go back someday.

While I was there, I learned firsthand from ex-soldiers and friends who were just young children of what they went through. I visited sites of mass massacres and nearly broke into tears upon seeing the mass graves. To see that this letter he uses make claim that there is no proof of genocide and it was just a scheme to get American support is not only outrageous, but so far from the truth that he should probably work for Fox News. Srebrenica alone lost over 8,000 men and boys in a matter of days! So many more died through out the country during that war…how many need to die before it’s labeled a genocide?

He even mentions Kosovo, in my mind, probably talking of the NATO bombings of '99, which actually landed in Serbia in their capital of Belgrade. I have friends in both places, and have heard the stories first hand. Again, not some research done on Wikipedia - actual face to face conversations in those places.

These places aren’t just stories and statistics to me, they are people, faces, friends. How dare he make such claims! Before he even gets to talking of the organizations, he is already at fault for irresponsible verbiage aimed at swaying the reader into thinking more into the conspiracy he has set up. Before any one says anything about Serbia, I have made no indication of blame and have friends in Serbia as well who remember the bombings and the wars. I've heard many sides to what happened in these places.

It is clear that he has no fact to base off of, simply speculation and the idea that conspiracy is all around us. He clearly sees the US Government as an evil entity that has no good bearing whatsoever, at least, based on just that essay and spouts out his rhetoric simply to cash in on the conversation and earn some Ego points. He mentions making a phone call to Invisible Children but also makes clear that he was searching for anything he could use to say that we support the government to go over there so they can take the fields for oil and uranium. It seemed giving an answer is "going around the issue" when it's not the answer you want.
Clearly, any organization that is doing well, must be evil in some way because that’s the only way to succeed in the world. Selling your soul for your own benefit, or in this case, the benefit of your non-profit.

(the above was sarcasm)

I see absolutely no steady foundation on which he places his claims. It’s sad that he is poisoning other peoples minds with a lack of knowledge and a hunger for feeling sophisticated enough to discuss a major political event. He just clearly doesn’t understand the event well enough to really know what has actually been happening.

Seems like this kind of thing is going around a lot these days. It's sad. I hear a lot of different organizations or groups or ideas get trashed based on ignorance. I really hope, anyone who reads this, will actually look into something before they bash it. Take some responsibility and learn facts - and don't go into a discussion that you don't fully understand with a swayed mind already. Have it open enough to hear what the other side has to say.

Please.

I'm not saying don't question motives though and blindly follow. If you are concerned about something, act on that concern. Search it out, question it, get answers to your questions, but don't twist the words of another to fit the idea you already have. If you find problems after looking into something, then don't support it. Simple enough, right?

Fwd: To Demonize & Segregate (Haiti, We Love You)

My friend, Steve posted this to his blog. The response to Robertson's comments on Haiti might be the best I've read and though I've already posted about Haiti once, I had to re-post this. Thank you Steve and Ekklesia Project.

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Thank you Ekklesia Project for mustering a response so quickly in the wake of ignorant speech. I wasn't in any way surprised to hear of the cutting remarks of Pat Robertson in the aftermath of the Haiti Earthquake, only deeply sorrowed that once again someone of his stature would steep so low to demonize the poor. I've always been amazed at the ability of the powerful to create distance between themselves and the marginalized. It's like clockwork. The last few days I have been organizing my thoughts with hopes to write a response, but our dear brothers & sisters at Ekklesia Project offered up a far more eloquent one than I. So I share it hear and simply offer my support...

Written by. Spencer Dew (for the whole essay go here - www.ekklesia.co.uk/node/11073)

"In what has now become a much-circulated clip, tele-evangelist Pat Robertson makes sense of the catastrophic Haitian earthquake as the latest in a string of curses delivered by God to Haiti’s people. Robertson’s interpretation of this catastrophe, whether we find it repellent or compelling, offers an excellent example of one of the ways religion functions: Robertson reiterates a reassuring framework of meaning in the face of experiences which call such frameworks into question.

The earthquake, rather than evidence of the random and senseless nature of human existence, provides for Robertson evidence of God’s existence and ongoing, partisan involvement in human history. Robertson’s theology provides comfort, too, in its categorisation of the victims of this tragedy as deserving of their fate, insulating Robertson from the agony of identifying too closely with these wounded, mourning, homeless, and hungry fellow humans.

Robertson may be moved by this suffering – his remarks were delivered as the Christian Broadcasting Network raised money for earthquake relief – but his religious anthropology renders this suffering, in his words, “unimaginable,” a stark contrast to anthropologies that urge empathetic relations.

For Robertson, the Haitian people are markedly 'other', a tone that carries through his version of the nation’s history: “They were under the heels of the French,” he says, “You know, Napoleon III, or whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, we will serve you if you’ll get us free from the French. True story. And so the devil said, OK, it’s a deal. And they kicked the French out. You know, the Haitians revolted and got themselves free. But ever since, they have been cursed by one thing after the other.”

This story is, of course, far from true. Robertson offers here a typical demonisation of the Voodoo religion and a Christian distortion of the legend of the 1791 Bois Caiman ritual. Yet Robertson, one imagines, finds animal sacrifice and blood vows repellent, and he has no reason to be accepting of any religion other than his own, ruling them all false and therefore damnable.

In the clearly defined narrative Robertson insists upon, the followers of God can expect rewards while to the followers of the devil, come destruction, blood, and wailing. The troubling aspect of Robertson’s remarks, however, is not the myths he offers to make sense of the world, but what he leaves out of his thumbnail history of Haiti: Unmentioned in his summary is the word “slavery.”

The “true story” that Robertson occludes is that Haiti, the first country to be founded by former African slaves, owes its origin to armed uprising. What began as raids on plantations became full scale revolutionary war, with people who had been regarded as chattels claiming their liberty via the blood of their former 'masters.'

From Nat Turner to Fred Hampton, the armed, independent black person has remained a nightmare image to those who benefit from white privilege in America, an image, indeed, not unlike Cotton Mather’s description of Satan incarnate in New England, that “Black Man” with the power to destroy the social order.

Haitian Independence was an event interpreted by much of the white, slave-owning world of the time as catastrophic. That 'they' would dare – and be able – to seize power called into question pre-existing systems of meaning-making as surely as any earthquake.

The image of black slaves shedding their chains and taking up arms contributes far more than any hobgoblins of the evangelical imagination to the historical 'curses' that have kept Haiti poor and troubled. The history of American relations with Haiti has been indelibly tainted by America’s true devil – the lingering effects of our own schizophrenic founding as a nation insistent on liberty, yet practicing slavery.

Just as racist terror helped shape the stereotype of Voodoo as devil worship, so too, racist attitudes have dominated the history of American relations with Haiti, from the fearful to the patronising, from clandestine political machinations to occupation by military force. It is to be hoped that the current attention on Haiti (for those of us who reject dismissive metaphysical explanations such as Robertson’s) will prompt Americans to examine the racism embedded not just in foreign and domestic political history but, indeed, in our own minds.

Without honest confrontation of the legacies of our past as a slave society, some 'they' will always be demonized and some 'devil' will always be imagined as a mask for our earthly hatreds and fears."

From Haiti to Hindsight

By this point, nearly everyone has heard the news of what has happened in Haiti. The news that has been reported since the earthquake has only been getting worse, and some of it has been distressing. Not only because of the statistics that we are hearing, while those are also terrifying and distressing, but it has been the judgement and prejudice that has been hard to read. I am very concerned with what is happening in Haiti. They need a lot of help and if everything works out, hopefully I can be of direct help, but this is certainly not a time to critique the country and throw it's mistakes and problems into the blender for a slew of critics to drink up and spew out, only causing more division. Regardless of any opinions on Haiti, this is a time of need. They need supplies, they need water, they need clothes, they need medicine, they need help. Period.

I remember hearing about Hurricane Katrina. I wasn't sure how to respond. It was bad, this I knew, but we've had hurricanes before so I figured we'd get through. My church, Hot Metal Bridge Faith Community, planned a trip to do relief during the week of Thanksgiving. I didn't think much of it, and I didn't have much money. As it got closer to the deadline though, something stirred within me. I couldn't tell you what was going on inside of my head or heart, or anything around me that would have changed my mind, all that to just say that my mind was changed. The day of the deadline, I said I would be going. Money had been pretty much taken care of by that point, so that worry was out of the way.

The trip down was fun, being with people from the church, some of which I didn't know well, if at all. It was definitely part of the reason I decided to go. I felt ready and prepared to help out. Wouldn't be that big of a deal, would it? I had no idea what I was about the experience, nor did I know it would drastically change my life.

We arrived in Biloxi, Mississippi in the afternoon and pulled into a small Methodist church in the middle of town. There was a lot of debris and damage that could be seen. When we arrived, we were greeted by the pastor of the church and then taken around town to see what had happened. I thought we'd already seen the damage, but I was so wrong. What words exist to describe the destruction that Katrina left in Biloxi are not enough to do justice to what I actually saw. The water levels got so high, that it lifted a Casino barge over a highway, over the light poles and trees in between the roads, and set it down on the other side. That's about...40 or 50 feet? I think I remember that correctly. Before the tides rose, tornados touched down and destroyed a strip of the town. What the tornado winds didn't tear down, the winds of Katrina herself worked on much of the town, which were leveled by the waters. There's so much more I could say, but it simply doesn't do justice to what I saw.

Throughout our week there, we came across some really amazing and inspirational people. Tim was the first person the church connected us with. His home and his neighbors homes were soaked from basement to attic. Mold was forming and if it took hold on the main structures of the homes, the whole house would have to be torn down. We were taken to him to tear down walls and completely cut the house so the mold didn't grow and the house could be rebuilt. As soon as we arrived, he sent us to his neighbor, then left to work with another neighbor. We couldn't believe it. He was more worried about his neighbors than himself. Oh, and I should mention, this was 3 months after the storm, and FEMA still hadn't shown up with trailers yet. So he was handing us off to his neighbors and helping the others we weren't, before worrying about himself. It was amazing.

During one of our lunch breaks, a handful of us walked to the strip that was destroyed by the tornados before the tides rose and destroyed everything else. While walking, we came across a woman who was digging through rubble. We asked if we could help her and she smiled and told us no. She was searching for toys for her children. Her home was reduced to bricks and wood, lying in a pile on the ground around her. She had 5 children, and they had evacuated to her fathers before the storm. Her children started attending the school where they were staying, and while at school, their mother would come to the house and search for something, anything to take them. She did this everyday. For every toy or remnant of their life before Katrina that she found, joy was spread through them all. She did it simply for that moment, to see the joy in her children. She also told us that her neighbor, whose house was one of the only still standing in the whole strip, had stayed during the storm.

The tornado had wrecked her home before the waters rose but it didn't affect the home of her neighhor, who was an elderly man. He lived in the house his entire life and was not going to evacuate it. After the tornado, the waters began to rise and were coming into the house. So he went to the next floor. It wasn't much longer till the water had reached that level and he had to move up another level. Shortly after this, he was forced into a small, cramped attic space where there was no where else to go. He climbed in and prepared for what would come next. He could feel the vibrations from waves and wind hitting the house. If the house collapsed, he was dead. If the waters rose, he was dead. After several hours and some silence, he decided to leave the crawl space. The water level was going down a bit. When the storm had passed, he decided to check his homes damage. To his amazement, as well as to his neighbor and to us, his home had received nearly no damage. The rubble from his neighbors home had formed and pressed around his, and protected it from the tornado and from the waves when the tide rose. If her home had not been demolished, his home would have collapsed.

There are a lot of stories I could share, but if you have read this far, then you've already read a lot and are probably wondering what my point is. Well, let me get to that. My week there was incredible but hard. I'd never seen people in such distress with so much hope and life. I complain about my job (and still do, sadly) and they lost everything, yet it seemed they had a hope that I couldn't figure out. I love Biloxi and the people there. They were warm and generous towards all of us. I will never forget them and will not forget how much our week of help was worth to them. Money was going to select places here and there, water was distributed (poorly) and supplies were still a bit hard to come by for some. Having our hands and our feet available for them, to help them, to serve them, and to give our time to be with them and to love them, we were told that it was worth more than what any organization was bringing. Our physical presence meant more to them than anything. One woman even grabbed the attention of myself and two others, and we just sat with her and talked. I felt bad knowing my friends were outside rebuilding a porch while I sat in air-conditioning drinking homemade sweet tea (no one makes it like the deep south makes it), but when it comes down to it, she really needed people. She needed the interaction, and her hope; her smile, inspired us and brought us hope while our hands and labor and time brought her hope. It was our presence. Our help. Ourselves.

I'm not saying anything against charity or sending money to aid relief. Not at all. I'm very for financial support and do so myself. It's needed, please send money, but if you get an opportunity to go and use your hands as well, please consider it. I promise, it'll change your life. If you say it didn't, then I won't believe you actually went and helped.

I went to Biloxi twice. We went a second time after 6 months. Nothing much had been done. We were in Biloxi when President Bush announced that the South had been rebuilt and then watched Air Force One fly right over head, while we fixed the roof of a man named Spade. I know someone who was recently in Gulfport, Mississippi, a neighbor to Biloxi. He said there's still stuff to do down there and it's been over 4 years. A lot of people assumed the government and aid agencies were getting the job done, but they weren't. Plain and simple, they weren't. Our friend, Tim, got his FEMA trailer a month after we left. When we came back in May, his home still had not been worked on. He was to busy helping his neighbors. When we asked about any other help that had come, he told us, "If it weren't for church groups like yourselves, nothing would have gotten done. We've been nearly invisible to everyone here. It's been groups like yourselves and small groups that organized themselves that have helped us, not the aid agencies and the government." We simply can't rely on aid agencies and governments to do everything. That was something I learned in Biloxi. There were groups doing some really great things, but there were some that weren't doing much of anything as well. Haiti needs our help and they need it bad. This is why I stress physical help if you can. Again, not saying anything against financial support. There are some really great aid agencies in Haiti right now that are doing amazing work already. Please look at some groups and give, if you can. This also isn't a time to criticize them or even their critics and cause division. Division will get nothing done. People are in need and we can help.

I've read a few very refreshing articles and blogs on this point of view that I will want to share. The first is by Donald Miller, author of Blue Like Jazz. The other was an opinion article I found through Google. I'm currently working to get information so I can go help with relief efforts. After Katrina, I know the importance of physically being there to help. I am fortunate enough to be in a situation currently that will allow me to do that. I will let anyone reading this know when I have it all worked out. I hope to go by mid-February.

There's a lot going around about Haiti right now, but lets keep it positive. There is enough negative about this situation, we don't need to add to it by criticizing the country and what we think of it's downfalls or go into theories about why this disaster struck Haiti. Let's keep them in our prayers and help them however we can. Let our words breathe hope and life instead of division. Let us show love to this world instead of ignorance and self-service.

Donald Miller's Blog
Seattle Times Opinion Article

*Fresh Edit* - A friend pointed out something good. Anyone who reads this and thinks, "hey, I do need to go!" - please think about what you're doing and plan it out first. Don't simply go down and look for places to help. Join up with an already established, sending organization that can put you to work. People have started going down looking to help with no plan and relief workers are finding they just get in the way. So if you are going to go down, get in touch with an organization that will equip you to be as useful as possible, instead of winging it and hoping you can help. My friend, Janelle, who brought this to my attention commented on this blog. Go read her comment then check out her blog too. thanks

Advent Conspiracy - Ruinin' My Wants

Tis the season to be jolly, right? The earth lays slumbering under a blanket of white, cars drive frantically to their next purchase, children run wild with the joy of no-school and, soon, presents to come fueling them. It seems to go like this every year. Nothing out of the ordinary.

But maybe that's the problem. Our consumption has become so ordinary. For myself, I have long wanted to be more socially active, especially pertaining to areas of injustice. Throughout the past several years, a number of justice non-profits have seen my financial support, some of which I also directly did work for and traveled with. I suppose that's why my Christmas list pained me so.

At the top of the list was an X-Box 360. I don't care if it's new or not, but it's what I wanted. I was asked to make a list of the things I wanted, and so I wrote that down and a few DVD titles. I even wrote that I wanted donations given to a few charities in my name. Doesn't seem wrong or anything. Then why do I feel this awkwardness?

A video made by Advent Conspiracy has recently come to my attention, and I think that is what has done it. I knew it was already to late to take back the list I had made. All the gifts are bought and wrapped at this point. A part of me wished that I had be awakened to my selfishness earlier, before I made the list, so I could make such things a priority.

I am not saying gifts are bad. I think they are fine. I like getting and giving gifts, but I do wish I had made more of an effort to make the needs of those who are being oppressed; or in the case of the video, those who won't have access to clean drinking water, more of a priority. Maybe I am over-reacting and am simply to hard on myself. Actually, that's most likely the case, but it bothers me that people don't have access to such a basic thing as water. I'm worried about an X-Box? Just doesn't seem right to me.

I wanted to vent. And so I have. Thanks.

Love Overcomes

Studying injustice has been one of the great awakenings of my soul. The desire to help free the oppressed and rescue the abused; to bring reconciliation and love to those who have suffered - it's a desire that isn't momentary, but one that I feel will last. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm in no way saying that I'm happy that injustice exists so it can be one of my adventures or anything, but I am happy to learn that God deeply cares about the oppressed. Not just that, but even positions himself as the God of the oppressed. To know that I follow a God who is deeply moved and bothered by injustice, brings me hope that their freedom will come. It's in following this God that I find that desire. I don't know if it would be as strong as it is without my faith. They seem to work together, at least, for me.

I've been really surprised at the kind of resistance I've encountered lately though. Resistance that has told me that I'm wasting my time; the causes I stand for will never find their resolution. Not only that, but to hear the criticisms from some who blame me for abandoning the poor in America, saying that I should be focusing here and fix the problems here before I focus anywhere else. I haven't been sure how to respond to this kind of criticism. I am relieved that it's merely assumption. If they knew me, they'd know that while I've fed the homeless in Serbia, I've fed and clothed the homeless in Pittsburgh. While I've helped rebuild the broken parts of a home in Bosnia, I helped tear down walls and put new ones up in Mississippi after Hurricane Katrina. I've witnessed injustices that would make a lot of people fall apart and ask, "why?" I know that these things are simple assumptions and can move past them quite easily. Hearing about how wrong my other stances are, and how they won't work out in the end though...those have been a bit harder.


Beautiful Serbian lady

Sometimes you are told something so often, that you start to wonder if they (the doubters) are right. Am I wasting my time on this cause? It's been years and years and yet resolution has still not come to this area or that, so why do I push on? Clearly nothing is going to happen. Clearly I am naive. Or am I? Am I naive to think that love can overcome? Am I ignorant to think that a conflict of 23 years can end, bringing peace to a region who's only known war since I've been born? Am I simply wasting my time?

I recently read an email by Dave Eggars (Author of "A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius") who had a take on his own critics when his first book came out and became successful (thank you, Kenny for sending me that email). What it boiled down to was something I needed to read, something I needed to hear when this was happening to me. It was so simple too. Who cares what the critics say? Who cares what anyone says? I do something I enjoy. I find life in what I do. And even more so, what I fight for has meaning. If even one person can find freedom from the chains of injustice, is that one person not enough? Should I care about one person when millions suffer in similar, if not, worse conditions? Absolutely. To bring peace to even one person who has suffered, that is to do something amazing.

There is a tug on my heart to free those chained down. I've traveled half the world for the past 2 years and seen a lot of things. I've seen pain and destruction, terror and hatred, oppression and suffering. But in those things, I've seen something miraculous. I've seen love conquer fear, hope conquer oppression, joy conquer pain. I've seen the eyes of the homeless lady in Budapest, Hungary light up with hope and amazement, simply because someone noticed her and gave her flowers and a smile. I've seen life come through the destruction that still lingers after years of war. I've seen barriers broken through as beggars stopped begging and simply enjoyed time spent with one another, happy to be noticed not as a money drop, but as a person; as flesh and blood.

The critics can say what they will, it makes no difference to me. I hope they get to see the life that I've seen come through the pain we feel. I will continue to work towards reconciliation and peace. Desmond Tutu has said that, "If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor." I don't think I can stop working towards justice. I know the moment I give in, the moment I stop even trying, I will die. I will walk among the living dead. To ignore injustice in this world is to let yourself die. I won't stop. I won't be silenced.

I will use love to overcome this dark world.

The Question Isn't For God...It's For Us

It's been really strange being home. With each passing month, I feel more and more empty. I feel like life is passing me by; as if I'm letting my chances to do what I may have been made to do, simply blow on past. I am excited for what is coming, as the future holds possibility, but until that comes (and hopefully comes soon), I'm not quite sure what to do. After almost a year and a half of studying injustice and working to bring freedom to those who are chained down by oppression, sitting in my parents house in the rural area of Pittsburgh seems so...not for me. I am glad I have been able to spend time with friends and family and catch up with people that I haven't been in close contact with. I'm happy to be involved in my home church, whom I missed while I was gone and found a place where I am able to serve them while I'm home - but I feel like there's more I need to be doing. After seeing a lot of the different things that I have seen, I don't know that I can simply settle down to a 5 day a week job. Not that this is a bad thing if that's what you choose to do. We need people in those jobs. For myself though, I've never belonged in those areas.

I've never found contentment in jobs like the one I currently have. I found contentment in the jungles of the Amazon, while I cried out to God asking why he could let such injustice happen to the Natives and to the children of Puerto Vhelo, or in Bosnia, where I can see the Sarajevo Roses scattered throughout the city, a reminder of those who died during the siege in the 90's, or in Auschwitz, where unspeakable horrors were brought into reality and genocide was committed without remourse. How can I possibly find contentment or hope or life in any of these things? It was when I looked into the eyes of those who suffered from these, when I spoke with women still recovering from the wars, when I played with the children who were left in the jungles to die as infants, when I befriended the soldiers who fought off the Serbian Army as they lay siege to their beautiful city. It is seeing the hope and life in these people that I find this.

When I think of the horrors that are currently destroying this world, the injustice that enslaves us, in a general way - I find myself overwhelmed. Where can I make a dent? How can this happen? If people don't care now, why will they later? But when I set my focus, when I look into the eyes of those affected and see hope within them, that is when I can see clearly. That is when the scales fell from my eyes. I see my friends, working to fight sex trafficking by making and publishing books and documentaries, to bring awareness. I also see them on the ground, not just asking people to help, but actually being that help. I see other friends, working to bring an end to a long running war, so that a new generation may not know war, or those working to save the refugees who are disowned in their surrounding countries for being where they're from. I can see the dents being made. I can see the pain washing away when my friends, who have long suffered under the chains of oppression, are welcomed and loved and included.

So I guess - when I was crying out to God, asking him how he could let things like this happen, I realized he wasn't. It wasn't that he was letting them happen. He was trying to stop them from happening. He was sending people to break those chains. He was sending me to bring love to a world of hate and despair. I found contentment because I realized, God's not ignoring these issues but is actively doing something about them. I read a story once, about a young woman who had been a victim of sex trafficking. In that time, she never wondered where God was. Her faith was strong and she knew God was with her, but her real question was, "where are God's people?" We look at the world and see a broken, fragile existence that many have given up on and we ask where God is. Maybe we're looking at it wrong though. Maybe God has been there all along, and is just waiting on those to take up their call to fight injustice. Maybe it's not God that's the problem, but us. We just choose to blame God because we don't want to take responsibility for a fallen world.

I realize now, in my asking how God could allow such things to happen, that he simply asked right back, "how could you allow such things to happen?" The question needs to be directed at ourselves. How can I let a tyrant abduct children to fight in his war? How can I sit by while people go hungry and cold on the streets of my city? How can I be silent while so many don't have a voice? There are a lot of ways to get involved with fighting injustice. Not everyone needs to or is even meant to fly overseas and take it head on. We can fight injustice in our everyday, by choosing to simply not gossip or put down those who we may think are lesser than ourselves. For myself though, while I will try to do just that and more, I feel this tug to be more involved. I don't care about security and 401k's and all that, but I care about the poor and the broken. I care about helping those who need help. I care about seeing those who go unseen. I care about listening to those who go unheard. I know I make mistakes, even by being blind to those around me who suffer from these very things, and for that I'm sorry, but I will not give up trying to become someone who can do exactly as I've said. I'll keep trying. I can't allow such things to happen in my own life anymore, and I can sit by while it happens throughout the world. I'm willing and ready to take injustice head on.

Greetings From Prague

Finally, I have internet! It’s been so long since my last update, I know, but I thank you for waiting patiently as I continue my work over here. Last time you all heard from me, I was in Sarajevo. It was so wonderful being in Sarajevo. I really think we did a lot of great things while we were there. We did work in a ministry center which is used by numerous ministries in Sarajevo, taught English to some really wonderful and cute kids, helped a recovering drug addict who is now a believer (great testimony) fix a hole in his roof and paint his rooms and met so many people…it was great. We left Sarajevo for Budapest on May 9th. It was sad to go, but we knew God had more planned for us.

Riding on the train to Budapest wasn’t bad; we arrived later that evening and got to the place we were staying. Budapest is so beautiful. If you get the chance to go there, you should really go. While praying, one of our team members felt led to go and travel to where the prostitutes are and give them flowers so they can know they are worth more than what money can buy and are precious to God. We took the metro to a certain area in the city and split off in two’s and three’s. I thought we would be able to find them rather easily. We took a small back street and began walking. After about 15 minutes and seeing no one, we decided to turn back (my teammate and I). Only problem was, we couldn’t remember which way was back. So, we picked a road and began walking down it, still hoping to find someone to give these flowers to. We finally found the main street and started walking back. We were pretty sure that we weren’t giving these flowers to any body at this point so we just tried to meet up with our team again at the meeting point and not be lost. While we were walking down the street, we saw some blankets flowing off a stoop. As we approached, we saw a small, old lady lying on the stoop, a dirty pillow under her head and a beaten rag of a blanket lying on top of her. She didn’t really notice me but something led me to approach her. I slowly bent down and raised the flowers in front of her (a bouquet of flowers). When she met my eyes, I could see loneliness and sadness, distrust and a caution stirring within. Her eyes fell to the flowers and then back to me, when I watched all of those previous things break. She finally realized what I was doing. Slowly, she reached out and took the flowers, almost in disbelief that I was even real. When her hands touched, her face was stone, not sure what to think, but as she pulled the flowers from my hand, everything in her seemed to melt and hope seemed to shine out of her. She looked up and gave me one of the most heartfelt and beautiful smiles I may have seen on this entire trip, at least since the Serbian woman. As we walked away, we both turned back and looked at the woman; she was smelling the flowers with a wonder and amazement in her eyes. She seemed peaceful and content, even if just in that moment. It was a beautiful sight to see.

After Budapest, we headed up to Kosice, Slovakia to stay with Dayna, one of my mother’s friends and one of my missions’ supporters (who is reading this same email as you and has gotten all the same emails). Slovakia was great. Dayna was such a wonderfully hospitable person and helped us so greatly. Her family will be moving soon to Belgrade, Serbia. Please pray for their move and for their family. They are really amazing people. While we were in Slovakia, we were working alongside US Steel. Half of the team worked in a school primarily made up of Roma children from the surrounding village and the other worked manual labor fixing up a Jewish Cemetery and some other work. I worked in the school. It was a lot of fun being with the children, playing games, speaking English, answering questions and just showing them they are loved. After a few days in Kosice, we rented cars and drove to Krakow (where I had authentic Polish Pierogies…first time having pierogies outside of Pittsburgh). Driving through Europe is a lot of fun. It’s really very beautiful here. Krakow is a lovely place but a sadness still lingers there from World War II. Only about 30 minutes from the city is Auschwitz. It was very difficult to visit a place where so much evil happened. I’ve studied a lot of World War II and the evil’s of the Third Reich, but studying and seeing with my own eyes are two very different things. I don’t remember praying that day while we were there. I didn’t know what to pray. I didn’t entirely know what to think other than questioning how human beings could do such terrible things to other human beings. It terrified me. Afterwards, I couldn’t keep but to pray that this never happens ever again. Ever. Sadly, I know the truth that this is still happening today in so many parts of the world. The Karen tribe of Burma, forced into neighboring Thailand so as to not be exterminated permanently, the Acholi-tribes of Northern Uganda, the Rwandan massacre and Bosnian massacre, both in the 90’s, Apartheid in South Africa, the war raging in the Congo. Why are we ignoring these issues? How can we sit around and discuss the horrors of the past and ignore the present? Why are their 27 million slaves in the world today, more than were transported during 400 years of Trans-Atlantic slave trade? Why are women stripped of their rights and dignity and forced to have sex – and no one does anything?

I guess this is one of the reasons why I’m doing what I’m doing. I can’t sit around and do nothing. I really hope I’m making a dent in making this world a better place, even if just a little bit, while on this trip. We continued onward from Krakow to Prague. Once again, Prague is absolutely beautiful and if you ever get an opportunity to go, you really need to take it. It’s astounding. So much history here. So many beautiful buildings. 14th century homes line the streets in the upper sections of Old Town. Gothic churches, enormous synagogues, more statues than I’ve ever seen in my life, it’s really incredible. Prague used to be in the Top 20 most visited places in the world for sex tourism. While it’s illegal in Czech Republic to practice prostitution, it’s very tolerated. During our time here, we will possibly try, like in Budapest, to meet and talk with some of these ladies, hear their stories and show them a love like they haven’t known, a love that goes beyond human touch and monetary exchange. A love that cannot be bought or sold, but one that dwells within each and every one of us. A love that has been distorted and slowly destroyed by the grotesques nature of mankind as these women are abused and kept bonded within their own hell. Maybe they aren’t all trapped within their profession, but many are slaves – there is no doubt about that. Many, if not most, did not choose to do this but were deceived into such a horrible line of work. While it can be hard for us as westerners to understand how you could fall for something like this, the facts remain and the truth is that a lot of these girls were tricked and for fear of their lives and their families lives, they stay and do what they need to do. I hope we can show them they are worth more than what they can perform. They are worth the entire world.

Thank you so much for your continued support. Please pray for our team who was in Russia, they have arrived in Amsterdam and are working with prostitutes there as well. They know it’s going to be very hard for them and are asking for prayer support as I too ask you to keep them in prayer. The Morocco team is still doing work there, and great work at that. Please keep them in prayer as well. We will be going to Germany and then Amsterdam next. It’s been a long trip but a good one at that. I want you to know that your support has been so crucial to my being here and I can’t thank you all enough for how you’ve blessed this team and me. Though you are not here, you are just as much a part of this trip as I am or anyone else who is here with me, and I do believe that. Thank you for partnering with me in this. I really hope and pray that the Lord will bless you all so very much. I will be back in Pittsburgh this summer and am very excited to share more of my experiences with you all. Thank you again. God Bless.

Blessings



Matt

Update from Serbia

Hey everyone,
I have a chance for a real quick update. While I was in Serbia, on our last day there, a small group of us were walking around after dinner and we came across a really old lady, sitting on a stoop outside of a shop. She looked lonely and we wanted to help in some way so my friend, Meredith thought to buy her some popcorn. So I bought her some popcorn and a bottle of water and sat with her and gave it to her. Her face went from loneliness to sheer joy and she took the popcorn and water from me. I continued to sit with her as her smile had me locked to that stoop beside her. I didn't want to get up - even though i couldn't communicate with her (she spoke NO english) I just sat with her. After some time of her speaking to me and smiling and laughing, I asked if I could take a picture of her by motioning with the camera, she agreed. It was a beautiful moment that I will not soon forget. After we left and continued walking, we had to turn around and go back past her. I waved as we passed and she looked as if she was going to jump out of her seat. Her smile reached across her face and she waved with so much joy and love. Just in that small moment, I saw the Kingdom of God open up and surround this woman. In a moment of belonging, a moment of love and comfort, a moment of sharing with her by simply sitting with her so she wouldn't sit alone, I saw the Kingdom of God move. It was beautiful. She was beautiful. There is one of the photos of her in this email.

After Serbia, we left for Kosovo. Kosovo was awesome. The people there are amazing and are very welcoming. They also love American's which was different from many of the other countries so far, so that made it even nicer. We made a lot of friends during our few days in Kosovo and we all hope to go back again and see them.

We are currently in Macedonia but are leaving shortly for Albania. I spent most of my time talking about the Serbian Grandmother. Please continue praying for all of us and also for the Russia and Morocco teams. God is doing amazing things over here and in those places as well and we're very excited for what he has in store. I'm not sure when I'll be online next but I'll try to keep you all updated again as soon as I can and send some more pictures. May the Lord bless all of you. Thank you for your support.

Matt

Thursday, April 9th - Tirana, Albania
Friday, April 10th - Dubrovnik, Croatia
Saturday, April 11th - Dubrovnik
Sunday, April 12th - Sarajevo, Bosnia (till May 7th)

Observational Update

I haven't written in a while. I haven't felt completely inspired to write, but I feel I should at least update you guys on what's going on (since that's why I started this in the first place). So the last time I updated on here, I was still in Brazil, only days away from leaving. I wasn't very happy with certain people I was on mission with either at the time. Since then, that issue has been resolved and everything is fine again.

I also had written about a project that I really cared about falling through. Sadly, it did fall through completely. I was very down about it but was given a second opportunity for a video. The school on the YWAM base has no teachers. Those who have taken on the responsibilities of teaching are full-time missionaries and parents (which means they really don't have the time to be doing this). It's so much more work for them than they really should be taking on and it's hard to handle sometimes as 1 woman is teaching 4 different grade levels everyday! That would get pretty stressful. Well, I was asked to do a promotional video for them (3 days before we left - due in 2 days) with interviews and footage showing the children and school and asking for teachers to please come and commit some time to teaching at the school in Brazil.

I hope to have this video up on my filmmaker's myspace soon. It turned out really well and was a great encouragement to me. I really am happy with how it turned out and what it will hopefully accomplish for this base. There was a lot of complaining, including and especially by myself, that we did nothing but stay on the base. I had a very hard time understanding why we were there. I wanted to go into town and play with the street kids and help those suffering in slavery by documenting it and getting a non-profit from the US or UK involved in helping free them. None of that happened though. We didn't leave the base. We didn't go anywhere. We stayed on the base.

But does that mean I didn't do anything or do anything worthwhile while I was there? In the moment, and I know a lot of those who were there with me will agree, that it felt like we weren't doing anything. It felt like a wasted trip. Looking back though, was it really? Why does an outreach have to always be about saving this many people and preaching to this many people and all that? Why are our minds so hung up on this? I don't even like street evangelism and didn't want to do it (that's just not how I am. I feel convicted about it, for me - not saying it's wrong, I just can't do it). So why so hung up? I guess I built up to many expectations for what outreach would be like and when it wasn't the way my mind thought it would be, I was disappointed.

But what about servanthood? What about serving those who need it, including Christians? Why do we assume that since we're on a missionary base, that by being there, we're not helping? Why'd I do that? Why'd I think that? Looking back, I can see now how we were there for those people, for the other missionaries who live in Brazil. Not just with the promotional videos we made for the base to help the base, but even working in the kitchen when they needed us to, playing volleyball and hanging out with them, playing with their kids (cutest kids). Why aren't those helping? Why isn't encouragement considered serving?

I look back now and, while I would still probably change aspects of the outreach, I can't actually say it was a waste. If even one of the videos we did helps that base, then isn't that fully worth it? If one child there was very happy that we came and found so much joy in playing with us, if the burden in the kitchen was lessened because of us working in there, well isn't that what it's all about? Did we do good there after all?

Yeah, just not how we thought.

Now, I'm on my second week back in Hawaii (comin' home to Pittsburgh on Monday) and have been working pretty much since I got back. I am now staff here for The Redemption Project, which was started partially by a friend of mine from back in Pittsburgh, who was out here working with YWAM (and helped convince me to come to YWAM). So, being staff now (which is unpaid - missionaries don't get paid), I've had a lot of work to do.

Right now, a lot of different seminars and conferences are taking place in YWAM Kona. The leader I work under in the Redemption Project, Luke, was Kona's coordinator for the Government Strategy Conference here. Since I'm the only other Redemption Project staff here, I have been helping him with preparing for those who would be attending. I slaved over my computer making a booket with the information for the weekend, Networking Platform, and stories from speakers experiences. It turned out very nice though.

On Monday night, I fly out of Kona and arrive in Pittsburgh on Tuesday night. So that is a slight update for what I've been doing lately. Hope to see most of you during my visit to Pittsburgh!

If you want good music - listen to Rocky Votolato. It'll change your life (acoustic folk. Amazing)

The Audacity Of People

It amazes me how absolute selfish we can be as a race. Humans are so blind to the fact that they don't have a clue. Especially over privileged rich boys who piss and moan when they don't get their way.

Don't get me wrong, I have my own problems and piss and moan about plenty. I mean, hell, I have a blog! Read my posts, I do it often. I hope though, that I am not so careless and so ignorant to a situation that I created, which due to circumstances have emotionally hurt another person, that I completely ignore everything around me and go about my business like things are nice and jolly. No, I'm hoping I'm not that heartless and inconsiderate of others.

Maybe being on this mission trip has actually been more helpful than I thought. I know that one of the things I've often found myself thinking is - "well, now I know how not to act." I guess that's something good to learn, right? Really though, it truly boggles my mind how people can be so careless and be so focused on themselves that they see the wrongs they have done and simply something along the lines of,

"Woops, my bad! Now get over it, thanks!"

In classic fashion, what is one to do? That's what I was asked when I maybe slipped in my temper expressing his need to shut up about the situation, upon which he asked me, "what was I to do? I said sorry!"

Sometimes, especially when you make someone cry and then are completely rude to them after the fact just so you can watch your damn movie, SOMETIMES sorry just doesn't cut it! Sometimes, action is in order. Talk to the person, express that you didn't know what you were doing was a bad thing (as the actual act that I am writing about was a bit of a misunderstanding and even I was surprised at the outcome) but the response of the person responsible just shows the nature of man. This terrible nature that infuriates me so much, only begs another question I constantly find myself asking, is there anyone left I can trust? Is there anyone left who isn't completely self-absorbed? Someone that can care for someone else more than they care about watching a bad online copy of Tropic Thunder?

I hope so but that hope seems to fade more than it grows. It only seems that "I" matter to myself and no one else matters but me anymore. I can't even count the number of things I've done to try and be kind and generous to people who act this way, including who this blog is about, only to be met with more ridicule and a feeling of being used. Yet, I keep persisting to help them and honestly, probably would help this very person tomorrow if they needed it. Why do I do that? Am I just weak or do I actually believe that there actually can be some amount of good in every person, and it's just a matter of time before they realize their own potential?

I wonder what Jesus felt like when he was around Judas Iscariot. I don't think there is a verse in the Bible that says anything along the lines of Jesus being wary and cautious of Judas. He invited him and chose him to be among his 12, his group that he was closest with, even though he knew that Judas was going to betray him and sell him into the hands of his killers. What would we do if we were put in that situation? How would you respond if you were given knowledge of the future and could know the person who would later betray you in such a way, even a way that would lead to your death? What would you do?

I would avoid them at all costs most likely. I wouldn't want to deal with the pain that person's betrayal would put me through. I would rather just not know them, regardless of the insights they may have been able to give me during our time. I really don't think I would be able to handle being around that person if we were in contact. If they were apart of the group that I even hung out with, brought in from a friend, I'd be cautious around them and not let them get close to me - but that's not at all what Jesus did and he knew that this person would be key in leading him to his death.

And he loved him. I think that's what gets me the most. If you look into what I believe of love, a central point of that belief is that love is an action and I think that Jesus was a man more full of love than anyone else. He loved him. He knew all his dark secrets and knew his future and what would happen but it didn't matter because in the moment, Jesus loved him would of done anything for him.

As an act of servitude (something I've only done with a few people close to me who were on the 2nd Hot Metal Bridge mission trip to Mississippi) Jesus even washed his feet. He didn't say to him, "well, you're not the best of friends and I'd really rather not" or anything like that. He humbled himself and washed his betrayers feet. Would I be willing to wash this person's feet? How about any of the other people in my past who have hurt me?

What about the people I've hurt? How many times have I been a Judas? Maybe not necessarily to the extent of some but what about other ways that I've been a Judas? Will anyone accept me? Love me? Wash my feet?

Well...maybe after my time in Brazil wouldn't be the best time to wash my feet as I've worn sandles the whole time and my feet, though washed, still resemble the dirt on the roads we walk.

That's a bit off point though. I guess when it comes to my betrayers, I need to realize that I'm no better than them as every person, in their own way, has a little bit of Judas in them. That doesn't mean that we should stand by and let a rude remark, a complete disregard for another human being or even the exteme Judas' injustices go on unanswered. The Judas here won't respond to the confrontations of anyone, including our leader, as anything less than us blowing up a situation that's simple and everyone should get over it (since he doesn't care and doesn't want to feel bad, then we shouldn't care and he shouldn't have to feel bad. Right?) Not all of us are very good with confrontation though, and that's when we can still do something for those who have been hurt and showing them that we care.

I hope that anyone that I have hurt that is reading this will know that any harm done was unintentional. I know the pain that others can inflict and wouldn't wish that on another person. To those who are hurting, I hope that someone will come to your side, no matter how much pain you've been put in.

And I hope we will realize that all human beings were created equal and maybe, just maybe, that means that there's good somewhere inside us all. In some, it may just be deeper than others. I think I've said all I need to say. Thank you for reading.

Insomnia (And How Much It Sucks!)

The title's are similar cause I'm going to pick up on some things I discussed in the last one. First though, we should all be able to respect how awesome New Found Glory is and how excited I am that tickets to the show next month (while I'm home) are only $16. Someone should buy them for me. It would make me SO happy cause then I could see the perfect pop-punk/hardcore show of the year. You don't have to though, just thought I would throw that out there. Anyways...

Things are still rough. Sadly, as I was talking about before, my project that was having trouble is now defunct and dead. It was canceled due to some interview problems. Apparently, no one actually felt like answering my questions but decided to just talk about whatever they wanted, therefore giving me 3 different interviews about 3 different things. Needless to say, I couldn't really make a story out that and had to sadly pull the plug on the project. There is a glimmer of hope left in the good interview I did get though, so we'll see what happens with that. With that gone though, I'm now out of a project and don't really have to much to do. The days are long and I'm a bit burnt out from the daily routine and the lack of sleep.

Sleep. What a concept. They say that when you sleep, your bodies at rest. I wouldn't know what sleep felt like if I tried my best. I swear, I lay in bed every night and it takes me longer and longer to fall asleep. I checked the other night. I had laid in bed for over 4 hours trying to fall asleep and still I stayed awake. I am reading through the old testament right now (deuteronomy) and even THAT isn't helping me sleep. It's so repetitive and gets boring when you read the same thing over and over and yet, not sleepy. It's terrible. I can't wait to get back to Hawaii where I'll be on a normal sleeping schedule. If only I could get a Dr. Pepper and some Captain Morgan...hmm...

Granted, today it was suggested that I make use of my insomnia. Apparently, University of Pittsburgh pays big bucks to study people with sleeping disorders. I am desperate for an HVX (or at least am saving up for an HD camera) and could use some big bucks. If I can make money off my insomnia, then it's a win win! So, I think I might sell myself to the University for scientific testing (that sounds so cool and creepy when you put it that way. It's how superheroes are made!)

Until then though, I'll have to suffer through it and deal. It's really a pain though. I just want to sleep and wake up and not be in pain or tired. Can't I just have a good nights sleep? Please? Is it really so much to ask?

Pain is the other part of this that is an irritant. I wake up every morning with an intense amount of pain in my lower back. It's not anything new and I would imagine by now that I would be used to it. I'm not though and it's irritating me. I'm really not sure what to do. It's hard to get tea in the mornings here too. Pretty much, I'm just a crank who shouldn't be bother for the first 4 hours he's awake. Yeah, that makes sense. Take off an hour if I get a back massage. Take off another hour if I get a BIG cup of tea. If it's a small cup...then only take off 30 minutes.

I'm really running off the point here. I'm not sure I had much of a point. Everyone is starting to wind down since it's our last week. Sleep deprivation and morning back pain is taking a toll on me and I'm kind of tired of taking cold showers (sooo cold).

I think I'm coming to terms with not having a project to share with everyone. I mean, I can't expect everyone to be so needy. I don't really understand why I was like that but I'm starting to come to terms with it and realize that maybe, just maybe, people are glad that I am here doing what I can. I might not have an amazing story like some other missionaries, but at least I was here to serve, right?

I think I've been distracted by to much to keep going with this. I lost what I was writing so this will serve as an update. See you in about a week, Hawaii!

Stress (With A Happy Ending)

I won't lie, things have been getting heavy on me lately. We only have 2 more weeks left in the Amazon and I am still not even close to being finished with the project I'm working on. My stress is at a peaking level and I am wondering when I'm going to totally break down and start telling people that life would be better if I were an ant or something while I roll on the floor laughing and crying simultaneously. I'm waiting for the moment when somebody spills a drink and a trigger in my brain goes off that causes me to simply explode in a panic and heavy crying for no real reason other than because I'm so weighed down right now that I couldn't handle it anymore and my brain just went haywire.

More than likely, I'm totally exaggerating here, but I feel heavy. I feel like there is something on top of me and I know I'm the one causing it because I have a poor mentality. I've been working on this project for a while and haven't been able to make much progress for this reason or that. Whatever the reason though, I still blame myself and look at the impossible task of editing this and having it totally done in the next 2 weeks. Could it get done? Yes. Do I imagine it being easy? Not in any way, shape, or form. Will it require numerous sleepless nights and me screaming at walls for no reason, knowing they won't respond back? Probably. Am I going a little nutty? You better believe it!

Although, if I'm able to realize the bit of crazy that has attached itself to me (not that I was ever very normal), am I really that crazy after all? I think my stress is exhausting me and placing me into a state of delirium (which is when I write my best, interestingly enough). It probably doesn't help that I am on a lack of sleep right now too. I barely got any sleep last night. I'll take that into account with the crazy talk above.

For those of you reading this thinking, "well then stop putting such heaviness on yourself and weighing yourself down with this project," it's really not that simple. There is so much more going on here than just me wanting to get this project done, at least inside my own mentality of what this all means down here. See, for me, I can't see my being down here, with all the support that I've been given (thank you all again, I love you and am so grateful for your help) that I simply can't see anything else as acceptable for this outreach.

Basically, my mindset is that I either get this project done or my coming here was a waste of time and money. Is that true? Probably not, but for me, I view it as the utmost important thing. I don't really know why I can't see the good in my just coming down here. Why isn't it enough that I'm simply here to serve the people around me when they need me? Why do I have to have some big elaborate project done and ready to go so that I can show everyone what they helped accomplish? Do I want praise for it? Maybe a bit but I hope that's not it. I think I'm deciding what other peoples expectations are for me. I've made a decision that those who have helped me get here are expecting me to come back with some amazing stories and show them everything we've been doing and it has to be awesome or they won't accept it. It's not enough that I'm simply here to be here and serve.

Or is it? Is it enough that I'm simply just here?

I'm really not looking for praise with this project or anything, I'm looking to help. I want to help. This project means a lot to me and I want it to be something that can bring more help here in the future. It's something that broke my heart when I heard about it. That is all true, but I still have those expectations that I have decided others are expecting for me to present to them.

I still think to myself that, well if I don't have something this great to show, no one is going to be happy they helped me come here because I won't really have anything to show them. I won't have anything to connect them to what has happened, connect them to being down here. I won't have a way to indirectly make them a part of this outreach. They're going to wonder why they bothered even helping me and think it was more of a travel experience and vacation than anything. I am worried that I'll come home and not have this great project or video or story to tell and so everyone will be disappointed and I don't want that to happen.

I know I'm probably only getting myself worked up over something that more than likely won't happen. There are times though when you can't help it and this is one of those times for me. I can't help but think that my time here will be viewed as a waste if I don't have something really awesome for people to grab on to. It could be that such a mentality is there to push me and get things down. I don't know. There's more that goes into this as well besides just what I shared, but everything I wrote has probably the most to do with the stress I'm feeling right now.

This is how things are going right now for me though. Other than this, I mean, I'm good. It's rough but I'm doing what I can to stay positive. It's been raining the past few days. Heavy downpours, supposedly from how hot it's been here lately. We're in the dry season down here so it's clear skies, humidity and an ever growing heat. The rain brought out some animals that I didn't want to see though (snakes) and that has been a bit unpleasant. I only saw two (one big one and then a smaller dead one). I am not a fan of snakes so I wasn't really very happy when I saw them. An 8 1/2 foot Boa was found yesterday on the road to my cabin. Thank God I didn't see it.

I want to give you guys a positive update though, or at least leave you with something good. You went through my rant and my fear of snakes so I will talk about other things that happened this weekend. On Saturday, a large group of us went into the city to experience it some more. We didn't have anything to do there, we just went because we could. So we walked to the bus stop (2 - 3 miles away) and took a bus into the city. We walked around for a while trying to find a place to eat; I was starving. After about an hour of walking, we're finally taken to a small festival/park area where there are dozens of small food vendors lining the park and the street. One of the places had probably one of the best burgers I've ever had. I was so happy. A burger patty with a ton of sausage and bacon on top; it was huge!

For some reason though, this past week I have found myself with a huge craving for chocolate covered bananas. It was really very random but I really wanted them; I still do. After walking around the area a bit, we found a place that had Crepes on a stick. Interesting, I thought and sure enough, they had Banana and Chocolate filled Crepes. It was probably one of the best things I've eaten since getting down here. Not that the food here is bad, but it was really really good. I wish I know how to make them. Talked with some locals on the bus, including a guy who spoke pretty good english. We discussed a Mexican director who's work I love (Guillermo Del Toro - Pan's Labyrinth, Devil's Backbone, Hellboy, etc) and he asked about New York City, as he's going there in a few years. It was nice. It was nice to just get outside of the base and out of the jungle and hang out.

Blessings!